So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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