I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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