You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
