I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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