ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
