oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
