I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
