I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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