remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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