There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
