By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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