I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
