Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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