True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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