there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
