i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize