It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize