her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
