so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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