I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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