You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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