I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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