Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
