I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
