Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize