Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
