just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
