Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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