I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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