I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
