Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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