can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
