The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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