seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
