half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
