omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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