eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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