I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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