I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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