So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
