I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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