How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
