Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
