You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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