and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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