I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
