You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
