Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
