I am full of burrito and curiosity
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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