Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
