You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
