just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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