I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up under a house in Key West
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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