Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I want to fling myself into the sun
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize