I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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