You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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