I'm going to jail i love you
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
