Heybabeimwearingurpanties
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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