i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
