i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
