weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sober January is a disaster.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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