so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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